2009, the wrap: Obama orders 30,000 Tiger Woods mistresses to warm the climate in Afghanistan

Concluding a year of profound blah, a crack squad of fundamentalist, nightclub hostesses was nearing the outskirts of Islamabad.   Rioting Republican congressmen demanded ill health for the US population, and an Iranian nuclear war head for every Israeli iPhone.  The Vatican announced marriage between gay kitchen appliances is a sin against nature, and the installation of a church sponsored paedophile in every catholic school.

Left wing, anti American, melting glaciers continued to threaten conservative polar bears with hacked emails.  Unemployment fell up for the fourth consecutive bonus, as the Chinese government threatened oppressed Uighurs with worlds first carbon dioxide and deforestation. Arabs and Israelis agreed to hate each other for another year, in the only recorded agreement between anyone in the entire middle east.