China Announces Climate Plans: Will Imprison CO2 and Torture its Relatives


After sabotaging the Copenhagen talks, the  Peoples Imperial Republic will resort to traditional methods to tackle climate change.  Chinese Premier Wen Jinbao announced the first executions of CO2, to be followed by ‘atmospheric re-education’.

 Explained one low level official; “We didn’t have the courage to tell them that the old police state methods aren’t going to work this time.  How exactly do you imprison a ubiquitous gas? If I answer that, a Nobel prize would be mine”.  The Party Secretary for Casual Brutality, Wen de Sade, responded; ‘”It worked with the Tibetans and the Uighurs, we just need bigger jails. We’ll soon let the atmosphere know who’s boss, don’t you worry”

In a related development, China has offered each citizen of the US a wide screen TV and ten pairs of shoes, if "they just shut up about climate change".