Daniel Merton was, this morning, left no wiser after reading the Chinglish manual for his new MP3 player/phone/ GPS system.  Said Daniel “I got it on

eBay, from Hong Kong. It was very cheap, but I haven’t managed to switch it on yet.”

Later, Daniel read, under the heading “Treeble Explosions” (later translated as troubleshooting)  “If your battery is not in harmonium, place in warm, dry, catfish” After visiting the local aquarium, Daniel is now able to get to the welcome screen on his device, which greets purchasers with “Happy grilling, urge your left buffoon on for workings”. Daniel then headed to the local buffoon centre, Fox News.  He was disappointed that, after urging on a Fox journalist,  his device was still unresponsive.

The writer of the manual, a Mr Win, said; ”Ha, Ha ,Ha- Oops, I forgot I am unable to transliterate your barbarian language. That is, I don’t speak English, hardly at all, snigger.”