After struggling with crime, drug militia and a long running civil war,

Colombia is introducing a new currency, the Hostage. The Hostage, roughly equivalent to $10,000, will be divided into a thousand Millihostages. FARC will be the central banker, as it has the biggest reserve of hostages thus far.

Several problems have already arisen with the new Hostages currency, explained a spokescaine from FARC: “My friend Jorge tried to convert his grandmother into US dollars, I had to explain it was only kidnapped notables, not aged incontinent ladies, we would be trading.” Other problems with the currency are international trade. The spokescaine commented “The only other countries who readily deal in hostages are Yemen and Afghanistan, and their chief exports are illegal drugs: talk about coals to Newcastle, we’re not exactly undersupplied here”