The drug war on the Mexican-US border is over: drugs have been declared the winner. The
Police chief of the area has resigned, and Police pay is being measured in “grams of cocaine per month”. A spokesline for Drugs was quoted as saying: “It’s been a long war with the US. Every year you jail half a million, clog up your courts, lie to your teenagers and turn your inner cities into war zones, all to get at me. And what have you got to show for it? Higher consumption! No wonder I’ve been declared the winner.”

A spokesuzi from the Drug Enforcement industry commented: “Our policies have created a civil war in Thailand, another in Colombia, and is fuelling some nice death and destruction in Afghanistan. Tell me any other trivial law that could have such an impact: It makes us deeply proud to have brought so must satisfaction to the armaments and prison industry. We vow to go on- doesn’t matter if have to lock up everyone in the country. We’re doing it because…er…drugs are naughty, very very naughty.”