Christians celebrate painful death of their demi god with giant rabbit and chocolate eggs

Making the interesting claim that Easter is all about their demi-god Jesus, Christians exchanged eggs and decorated their houses with stuffed, imitation rabbits; both old pagan fertility symbols. Cardinal Crucify, asked to explain the relevance of these symbols to Jesus' death said: “ Um... eggs and rabbits relate to the crucifixion  by…er…um, my it’s hot in here can we open a window?”

Several of the three thousand four hundred and sixty branches of Christianity were attempting to meld the Christian and pagan stories by crucifying a chocolate rabbit on Good Friday, but as yet the idea hasn’t spread widely.

Four hundred million Christians are expected to be harangued by church officials this Sunday, and be told their demi-god’s suffering was all for them.  As little Jason put it “The priest said all that pain in being nailed up on a cross was because I cheated on my arithmetic test.  When I asked him how Jesus being nailed to cross could possibly help, he gave me a dirty look, and said I should pray.  I've already prayed for an Xbox, a Play station and to get out of church early, and it didn't work, so I'm not counting on that”