The brightly coloured, sugar encrusted breakfast treat, the
Fruit Loop, is to try and clear its name. Long associated with Pat Robertson,
Glen Beck and an assortment of anti-vaxers, and ‘birthers’ it’s embarrassment
was described as ‘terminal’ Claimed a
bright orange spokescereal. “All we want
is to be processed, bleached and then eaten.
Me and my fellow loops don’t claim that god is going to burn you if you
go to the wrong church . That’s all human, not cereal”
A sociologists, Gail Lertmund, who was prepared to put
herself in front of a mic for nothing, commented, “In the early days of
American fruitloopery, we had the ’End of the world is nigh’ funsters. However, that wasn’t good enough for the US,
we had to go one better. We hopped on
the UFO craze, only to get hijacked by the ‘Government conspiracy to poison us’
loonies. We flirted with Alien
abductions, and AIDS as a government germ weapon, only to be seduced by the ‘Bush
organised 9/11’ maniacs.
Finally, we’ve come back to “the end of the world is nigh” fruitcakes
and their 2012 apocalypse story. If I
was an inoffensive breakfast cereal, I’d probably change my name to Citrus
Golden Bites, or something. It must be
humiliating for the poor carbohydrate.”
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