Google, the Mountain View search behemoth, is rolling out its new relationship navigation software. Said one Beta tester; “In the first week after meeting Tiffany, I didn’t know whether I should be ringing her every day, hanging around her doorway in camouflage gear with a bottle of chloroform , or playing hard to get. I’d just bring up Google-lurve and the answer would be right in front of me.”

Another user of Google-lurve mentioned some of the down sides. “We were in bed, I thought I was making all the right moves, but I thought I’d check Google-lurve to make sure. Then I thought, why not check my email, and the shoe sale, and maybe an IM or two with Cathy. By the time I’d got up, Nathan had gone. Google-lurve recommended an…er…appliance as a lover, as it was the only thing with enough patience.”A Google spokesbyte replied; “What are you doing tonight baby?”