MODA,
The Merchants of Death Association, today announced it would be going
carbon neutral. A spokesexplosive remarked:” Gun makers in the US are
already carbon neutral; we help put an end to thousands of American
lives every year. Our ‘Saturday night special” revolver alone has
offset any pollution in its manufacture, by doing away with hundreds of
SUV driving, over consuming, Americans."
"Mind
you, it’s much harder when you’re selling planes designed for strafing
peasants and napalming villages. These people have a low carbon
footprint to begin with, so you’re going to have to kill a lot of them
to help heal the earth. That’s why we’re attaching an anthrax dispenser
to the front, and poisoning wells. "
When asked why the Death Association doesn’t use more conventional
carbon offsets like tree planting, the spokesexplosive said: “We have a
long tradition of doing things the evil way, it’s worked well for
hundreds of years, so why change? And frankly, doing things the evil
way is good for business- you don't want your death merchant kind and
cuddly, do you?”
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