After
six decades of war, revolutions, insurgencies, missile launches and
attempts to turn the region into radioactive slag, the Middle East
crisis has been officially declared permanent. Media outlets will have
“middle east crisis correspondents” that will be able to pick up the
same child’s toy from rubble , scowl at the camera, and look sad
anywhere from Iraq to Lebanon. Governments worldwide will have official
middle-east-crisis-spokesbots which: “Deplore the present crisis and
call for negotiation” As the message is unchanging, the robot in
question will be a Barbie doll. The formula can be repeated daily at
the UN, G8, EU Council of ministers and other impotent talking shops.
Asked about Israel versus Hamas, round 116, a German Spokesbarbie
commented: “We call for a cooling off period”
The French
Foreign ministry commented “Nothing much has changed, we used to pick a
phrase from barrel, the Spokesbarbie just saves us the embarrassment of
saying the same old thing. Our favourites are “We call on both sides to
show restraint”, ”Our Government stands ready to host crisis talks to
further dialogue” Doesn’t matter if it’s the Syrians versus the
Lebanese, Shiites versus Sunni or Israel versus everyone else, our
Spokesbarbie has the perfect response. A malfunctioning Dutch Barbie
uttered: "We deplore the restraint shown by the combatants, and stand
ready to help create further unhelpful aggression if only all parties
would persist in their hostilities"
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