British Police Can Now Arrest People in 'Offensive Shirts'

The British Police have been granted arrest powers against 'shirt hooligans'. The Home Secretary commented, “For too long our towns have suffered the scourge of bright pink, polyester shirts searing the eyeballs of pensioners. The few remaining teenagers not subject to control orders, or hiding under hoodies, seem to be doing their best to taunt us with lime green sleeves and hideous teal and red piping. We say enough! Let our streets be free of these textile abominations!”

When prodded by a journalist, that maybe the Government was passing laws indiscriminately, the minister remarked, “I think you’ll all agree, the new 'Execution of the Media for Asking Awkward Questions Bill', is a step too far,” here he paused ominously, then continued, “for now”.

Other bills to be considered by parliament include the 'Sanctions for Poorly Cut Fingernails Legislation', the 'Lock Up all Teenagers that Look Suspicious Initiative', and the 'Regulation of Garden Gnome Placement Agenda'.

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