Russia focuses on strengths: Promotes short life, alcoholism

The Russian government has decided to abandon its attempt to out-evil North Korea, China and the US and instead promote its strengths.  Said Putin “Our invasion of Georgia didn’t
exactly cover us in glory.  We managed to shoot down more of our own planes than the Georgians did. So we’re going to promote our expertise at rigging elections.  Heard about that Iranian election? We organised it, we’ve had plenty of practice” said the dictator with a grin.  

With a fast shrinking population and world beating rates of alcoholism, Russia is leading the world in many areas.   Male life expectancy, at 59, is a record low for the developed world. “Something we can be rightly proud of.  Think of the strain it takes off our hospitals. Our consultants can help you get your men folk to die faster too. Then there’ll be more left for the living” remarked the Health Minister.


Russian industrial consultants can also help in shrinking your industry, as the sales manager for Lada remarked:  “The only way we can sell the Lada, is to pay people to drive it.  Even then they sneak away and buy a 30 year old Toyota, they say it’s more reliable. We’re dedicated to finding out what the customer wants, and giving them the exact opposite, it’s a fine Soviet…er… I mean Russian tradition. Emperor Putin and friends were reported to be "obscenely rich"

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