Emperor Putin wins “Election”

Vladimir Putin, the sole voter in Russia’s recent local elections, expressed surprise that he had voted for himself.  Wearing an entirely convincing look of shock, Emperor Putin remarked-“Well of course I put up a good fight, but I was overwhelmed by the support I showed myself. This is a ringing endorsement of my policies, by me, I couldn’t be happier."

OzPravda has been shown a copy of the ballot paper that other Russians were given. There were two options for voters: ‘1. Most glorious Vladimir’ or  ‘2. Jail  and/or assassination’  As all other voters were declared invalid, as they “weren’t Vladimir Putin” counting in the elections  was swift, almost instantaneous.   Pledging to “keep Russia in alcohol and despair” for another decade, Putin was congratulated by all the members of his cabinet that valued the safety of their children.

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