Christians celebrate Christmas: Festival of the infant Santa draws the faithful.

Millions of Christians the world over will soon be wrestling with stiff, unyielding plastic, as they unwrap their offerings to the infant Santa.  Mysterious uncles, otherwise only mentioned in hushed voices, will sit quietly in the corner drinking menacingly.  The matriarch of the house will  carbonise various bird corpses, in a multi-hour, labour intensive, ritual she refers to as  a ‘traditional Christmas dinner’.  When finished, she will vow never to do it again.

 

Accordingly, assorted relatives will vow to spend their next Christmas at the Laundromat, for a more uplifting experience. Teenagers will disappear to their bedroom to commune with their recently received electronics, and an opportunity to escape the clutches of the mysterious uncle, who is watching them, as a lion watches a baby deer.

 

Small children will take the opportunity of inebriated adults to experiment with ingesting toilet cleaner, and develop their agility by using carving knives in target practice.  They will also discover that DVD slots respond poorly to ice-creme insertion.

Comments