Every company to have “Solutions” in its name by 2020

News Solutions, (the former Daily Globe), reported a trend that has been boring observers for years.   As with many bad ideas, the ‘solutions’ epidemic started in the IT world, probably with “Logical Solutions”, a short lived company that was neither logical, nor solved anything.  It promised to ‘reconfigure the data structure paradigm, and move best practice re-engineering to centres of excellence’. Linguists are still trying to untangle the meaning of the sentence.

A Spokescliche for the Ruling Solutions (formerly, the government) is considering laws that will force all companies to have 'Solutions' in their name, to avoid penalising non-solving enterprises.  Sex Industry workers, will now be referred to as Penile Solutions, Funeral Directors as Termination Solutions, and Homeopathists as Dilutions Solutions.  Gail Werbler, of Flour Solutions (formerly Werblers’s Bakery) was delighted.  She gushed, “We used to think it was only fancy, high tech companies that could have ‘solutions’ in their name.  Then we realised we were solving things too. We were solving the ‘Lack of baked flour, fat and sugar products' problem. We’re so much happier now. Excuse me, I’ve got to...um... have a bathroom solution.

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